The Boy Who Lived and Died
by Zara Riddle
Summary: A story of how Harry deals with his pain. Takes place during their 6th year. Mention of slash, nothing graphic. Just a statement. So you have been warned. Character death.


**Okay this story I don't know what I was think but anyway. I was listening to Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park and I thought of this so listen to the song while you read it, it helps you get lost in the story so much more. Um what else...Oh! right I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter what so ever. Which sucks. Okay and there is mention of slash but nothing to big just like a statement. So no people writing saying like "Oh that's just wrong" or something like that, because you have been warned. So yeah read and review and hope you enjoy it. **

* * *

**-Flash back-**

**The trio was sitting in the common room talking about there Christmas break. Ron and Hermione had decided to show Harry everything they had gotten for Christmas, but the whole time Harry was just blocking them out. He was too pissed off at them to talk to them. They had been allowed to leave the school for Christmas while he was stuck at the castle with no one. It wasn't really all their fault, only they hadn't tried to fight with Dumbledore to allow him to leave. And that was why he was pissed at them, but he was so far more pissed at Dumbledore. The man who said he cared for him but always sent him back to hell in the summer, and kept him from the only family he had ever had. **

"**And I got this new book that….Harry!" Hermione yelled at him to get his attention. Harry jerked back to reality and noticed Hermione was glaring at him. Oh great just what he need, she would probably think he was having another vision or something then she would suggest that we make a trip to the old man. "Yeah what is it Mione?" She looked at him worried, "Harry was it another vision from," she glanced around the room as if the man would jump out from the shadows, "You-Know-Who?" **

**Harry couldn't help but laugh inside, **_**'I was right, I knew it and just wait here it comes'**_**. Hermione moved over to the love seat where Harry was sitting and put her hand on his shoulder. "Because if it is you really should go speak to Professor Dumbledore about it." Harry looked at her hiding his anger at the fact that she had touched him. "I'm fine; I'm just tired of everything."**

"**I know Harry, it's hard and it is only going to get harder as this war closes in. But just remember that you always have me and Ron." She smiled at him. Ron was eating pumpkin cakes and decided it was a good time to say something with his mouth full. "Yeah mate, were here for you." Ron went on stuffing his face and Harry could have sworn he threw up a little in his mouth.**

"**Thanks guys that means a lot." Harry looked back down at the book he had been reading before they had interrupted him to show off. He glanced up and saw that they were too deep in a conversation now to bother him. How did they know what it felt like, they would never know what it felt like to lose so many people that you loved. **

"**Hey guys I'm going to go to bed early." Harry stood up and his friends said their good nights to him as he ascended the stairs to the boy's dormitory.**

**-End of Flashback- **

Harry was lying in bed thinking of what had just happened downstairs. They didn't know what so ever how it felt to lose those you love over and over. First his parent's, yes he maybe didn't know them but it still hurt. It was even worse when you wake up from nightmares hearing your mother scream for your life as she dies. They didn't know what it felt like to live with people who hated you more than anything, and said people would beat you till you couldn't move. They didn't know how it felt to be treated exactly like a house elf. They didn't know how it felt to have the one person who felt like true family to you be ripped away right before your eyes. They didn't know how it feels to lose the love of your life to the man who is the one who constantly makes it so you have nothing, then uses you to be reborn. And the most certainly didn't know how it felt to be connected to that man, not even a man. A monster.

He didn't want to fight anymore; he just wanted it all to end. Harry raised himself out of bed and walked to his trunk; he dropped to his knees and opened it up. He had to rummage through it but he finally found what he wanted. It was a small box made of wood. He also grabbed the bottle of fire whiskey from his trunk and shut the lid. He sat both items down on his bed side table and walked to the door of the dormitory and locked it. He turned around and let out a sigh.

He grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill and wrote a short letter and left it on his bed. He grabbed the two items he left on the table and sat down on the bed. Harry enjoyed fire whiskey so much, he loved the way it burned his throat on the way down, he took a drink of it and sat it back down on the table.

The box was smooth and made of beautiful dark wood. Sirius had given it to him, it had held a few pictures of his mum and dad, but now it held something entirely different. He opened the box and picked up the little piece of metal that had been his only release all summer. He rolled up his long sleeves and could see the old scars. He began cutting in the exact same place, but realized it wasn't deep enough to do the job so he cut deeper. It was odd it hurt more this time than it had the last. He quit thinking about, and when he was finished he just laid there.

Harry couldn't help but laugh, "This is how the Savior finally dies. What will old Voldy think?" But to be truthful Harry didn't give a fuck what the old snake thought or anyone else for that matter. He just didn't want to be apart of that world anymore. He missed Sirius and Cedric so much it hurt.

"Just you wait I will be with you all soon." Harry slowly fell in to darkness. He would never know how much it hurt when Hermione and Ron found him like that a few hours later. Or how much the world cried for their savior. Hermione had been the one to see the note, while she was crying she read it aloud to Ron.

To Anyone Who Will Listen,

I know that if you found this then you obviously know I am dead. I know you all will be confused, well let me explain. I couldn't take it anymore. I could not be your savior when I need so much saving myself. But it is too late for me; I am too lost to be saved now. But I wanted you all to know that I don't blame you all, it wasn't your fault I had to be threatened constantly by a psycho maniac who wanted to kill a helpless baby. But anyway, I am in a better place now. With the people I deeply love. And Ron and Hermione, I want you to know even though I am pretty pissed of at you guys I could never stay mad at you. So just know I love you guys too. And I'm sorry.

The Boy Who Lived and Died.

* * *

Hope you liked it, review please. And be kind. 


End file.
